Laron/Mythie +1 (laron) wrote,
Laron/Mythie +1

A New Start

So I've removed all of the posts from the past year. They are all negative, and a very horrible impression of who I am.. or how I feel. I look back at them and realize that in the moment, I can be so very cruel to my partners and myself.

Today is something new. Today I still have negative feelings, and I'm still working on me.. but I am happy. I love my partners. Whether we have any issues extending into today.. today I am a sentinel. I stand beside them ready to stay constant, and try. I still get my feelings hurt, I still have trouble dealing with criticism and rejection. Now I can say without a question that I am truly loved. Whatever physical hangups I have, or issues I have where I believe my lovers do not want me.. they are mine. My crushed feelings are most likely caused by my own issues. No one is doing this to me, I'm doing it to myself.

I hope next year around this time I can say all of these issues are solved. As My darling girl and I have found though, a lot of my issues I've had for a long time.. and it is just a matter of long-suffering on her part to continue to be understanding. Meanwhile I need to learn to be less selfish, more conscious of what I'm doing, and much more considerate. Because these things apparently are changes, I'm having my own trouble with them. I really do want to make this better, I want to be a better person and deserve her affection. It's tough sometimes, to feel rejected and then have to get over it.. without time to do so. It's just an issue with time, and not being able to take it.

The truth certainly is.. I love her. She is like my whole wide world encased in one gorgeous frame.. and it breaks me sometimes to even believe I deserve to have her. I love Robert too, he is my partner too, and it is no different.. but the strength of my love has not diminished at all. It will continue.. and I will continue to work on me. I will also continue to love them.. and in doing so, try to love myself more.

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