Laron/Mythie +1 (laron) wrote,
Laron/Mythie +1

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Been awhile

So I know it's been quite some time since I've updated. I'm sure this is because I have been listless and irritated, or maybe just apprehensive about going back to work. I spend alot of time busy, and trying not to think too much. I like this place I'm at now.. this quietly content spot that I don't have too much to worry about. It gives me more time to think about what I'm going to be doing, and less time pondering over things like work. I have most of the baby things I will need.. and the rest we'll pick up from Garage sales, second hand shops, and hopefully some kind of shower thing. That is apparantly not my job to consider though, and I am more than happy to let my mom and soon-to-be-sister-in-law do that.

I am more than slightly irritated of late. I get angry with Robert when he yells at me for any reason, and just stop talking to him. I love him, but I think when he gets over-excited about ridiculous things... it gets a little out of hand and he raises his voice. When he does that.. I just shut him out. It's the way I deal, because he is just being irrational about something silly like running a net cable across the wall.. or doing anything productive. Eventually he gets the point that I am miffed, and he apologizes.. and we talk. It is still annoying. He refuses to talk to the baby, or interact with it in any way other than rubbing my belly. He thinks he'll look like an idiot.. I don't think he believes this thing can hear him. I'm not even sure he believes there's a kid in there. I know it is hard for partners sometimes.. to really understand what is going on, I do wish he'd just be nice and try. So help me if he tells me to suck it up and stop being a baby in Labor... I'm going to sock him. Right in the mouth.

There are so many things he is squeamish about doing. I never thought he would be so uncomfortable with this whole process. We watched a live birth on a video the nurse brought over.. all he could do was stare horrified, and repeat over and over.. 'I am so sorry.'... Problem is... I don't need him to be sorry, I need him to be supportive. If not, I guess I'll just have to figure this thing out on my own. I'm hoping he'll kick into gear eventually. Maybe childbirth classes.. but I'm not sure he's even going to want to do those. He feels awkward, and stupid doing all of these things. I'm not really sure why. I can tell you it is frustrating, and there isn't really anything I can do about it.. but travel along, and try to do what feels right. This also includes napping more often.. which infuriates him for some reason. Yesterday I was so exhausted, we were running around all day doing necessary errands.. and he asked me a question about doing something. I countered with "I'm very tired." He said "So is everyone else!"... and I literally yelled "EVERYONE ELSE ISN'T PREGNANT!". I felt bad.. but good grief.

This kid has been kicking me in the navel lately. It's a funny sensation, and I am so distracted. I'm worried about going to work and being able to function.. because everything is so fractured. I can't really concentrate on anything unless it is on the tele. Blergh.. anyway..

Just been an irritating week so far, and isn't promising to get better.
Tags: therapy
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